All searches done with my bff, Tiffany.
We started with kindergarten: Success! Found our teacher and counted to 3 so we could add her AT THE SAME TIMEEEEE. (Still waiting friend confirmations.)
1st grade: Kay Friis. Couldn’t find her. Searched her daughter “Tiffany Friis” who has eleven friends all from Russia or unidentifiable contries. Moving on.
2nd grade: Jill Henry. No such luck…searched Tiffany’s mom instead. Also no such luck.
Skip 3rd and 4th grade. Because we don’t care. We don’t believe we learned anything in those grades.
5th grade: We’re currently friends with our 5th grade teacher. She loves maxi dresses and lives in Sydney, Australia. Yeah, okay, you win, Mrs. Malin.
6th grade: Laura Anderson. Could not find her or her orange sweater. IF ONLY WE COULD REMEMBER HER IDENTICAL TWIN’S NAME!!!???
7th grade: Phillip Wenndt. Found him, despite his profile picture being a disguised rubber ducky. And all his tagged photos being pictures of the flood.
8th grade: She’s too cool to even search for. You go, Mrs. Bronkhorst.
Janitor: John Huffy. There was no John Huffy, but there WAS a Huffy Johnson. He studied “Beer” at Joliet Junior College and has a photo album entitled “Gucci Mane Tattoo Photos.” So…I mean…maybe?
Secretary: Anita Johnson. There is one profile with a picture of a beta fish. We’re pretty convinced this is the one. She “likes” Pioneer Trail coupons and CastleVille.
Ex-Principal: Steve. Couldn’t find him….searched his daughter…found out she is married with child. So there’s that.
Tips: 1) When in doubt, add the mother of your best friend from kindergarten-8th grade. Scroll through her friends. 2) Always assume the worst. 3) If you can’t find their picture, assume it’s the one with a profile picture of a cartoon or of the first photo that comes from the Google search of “Maui.”