So there was a game on tonight. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“It’s fine for Beyonce to do her jig, but if I were to do that, people would lust. It wouldn’t be good.”

“Wow, I didn’t know football could get any more boring. Until all the lights went out.”

“This is why I think murder should be legal.”

“He isn’t a freaking person, you moron. Don’t ever talk to me again.”

“The bacon just tastes like sugar, don’t even worry about it. Meat that tastes like sugar…this is what dreams are made of.”

“I sure hope no one at this half time show has epilepsy.”

“Yeah I just carried him in my backpack around camp. Cuz, ya know, the cancer.”

“Mmm, what’s a bananagram? That sounds good!”


Most of these are best heard completely out of context. Hope you all, like, won the Super Bowl?


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