I read a funny girl’s blog once where she wrote a list of things she loves and a list of things she hates. I liked it because I felt like I knew her better after. I don’t know her name, but I know she loves lisps and retainers. And that’s funny! Here is my list. You should all send me yours…
A few things I kinda hate:
- Technology at the dinner table. Oh, you have an iPhone that you can instagram your side salad with? Don’t care. It’s salad…eat it and don’t try to make it cute while you simultaneously look up Ryan Gosling’s first movie ever.
- When people refuse to shop at thrift stores because things “look weird” or “smell weird.” I don’t have many friends like this, but they show up every one in a while. Sure that shirts smells like a woman named Ethel, but it’s lived far more than you have, so show some respect.
- Chicken in a Biscuit crackers. What’s their deal?
- When movies ruin a good book.
- When you get home at 3 am and want to watch The Fresh Prince and all that you can find are infomercials and the 700 club.
- When mothers call the university to whine that their children have too much homework. Guess what, lady? There are 30,000 kids at Iowa State. They all have homework. I will not apologize.
- Alanis Morissette. She’s so negative. And yes, I realize this is on a “hate list.” Isn’t it ironic?
- How often “Asian Singles” sends me e-mails.
- Rihanna. I’m sorry you got punched in the face. I am not for domestic violence and am thankful for the pact I have made with my boyfriend to never punch one another in the face. However, do not use your platform to come out with songs about how you love staying in an abusive relationship, hyper-sexualized songs about S&M, and comparing yourself to some nasty cake to lick, that is most likely frosted with STD’s. YOU ARE ANNOYING.
After all that hate-hate-hatin, here are things that I love.
- Walking through the horror section at video stores and reading the taglines. “This holiday season, the slay ride begins…”
- When you watch 2 or more episodes of Seinfeld and suddenly EVERYTHING in your life can be related back to the show. And life is just a whole lot funnier.
- When I successfully deliver on knowing every word to a rap.
- Running at 6 or 7 in the morning alone.
- Hearing what everyone’s grandma’s name is.
- Holidays. Especially all things Christmas…the lights and church services and music and movies and traditions and cider. I can’t wait for Christmas…………….
- I love it when someone I like or respect is in love with some movie or band that really isn’t all that great, but after you listen and watch them love something you start to love it more yourself. It works for bigger stuff too. Like Jesus, sometimes. (Not that Jesus isn’t all that great, because He is the best.) Donald Miller said “Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.” Which is what I just said, except better.
- Parents. Most of them anyway. The idea that as people we just couple ourselves off for life is weird enough, but I love how every couple develops their own joint personality over time. Like “Oh jeez, Jon’s parents are the goofiest.” Or “Jessie’s parents are so hip! They went to that new sushi place last Friday and I bet they had shots of Sake!”
- The idea of liking tea. I like the IDEA of it far more than I actually like the tea.
- Freshly vacuumed carpet.