Trollin’

Tonight I unashamedly spent my Valentine’s day watching “Troll Hunter” in a crowded living room. Now, Three Billy Goats Gruff just happens to be the second book I ever read. (Close runner-up to Three Little Pigs. Pigs > Goats. Remember that one.) Point is, trolls are nothing new to me..or so I thought. I had quite the learning experience tonight. “Troll Hunter” tells the story of three Norwegian reporters who stumble across a troll hunter, and follow along on his escapades. Check it out-you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll feel really stupid for just going to see “The Vow.”

Things I learned: Firstly, trolls smell from miles away, so you’ll need some “troll stench” to smother your body in. I heard the ghetto-vee is carrying it soon. Secondly, trolls live on eating rocks. But if you’re trying to catch one, combine some concrete and charcoal trap. It’s an irresistible combo for these bad boys. Finally, if you believe in God, you are screwed. Trolls smell the sweat or blood of Christians all too strongly. At one point, the characters have to pour out some good old Christian blood as a distraction. Hymns work too. And I bet some Shane & Shane would just kill em. Though this will deter me personally from pursuing this career, some of you may be brave enough for the task. Trolls need Jesus too! And as said by a fellow viewer tonight “Consider it pure joy, brother..when you are eaten by a troll.” (James. Troll version.)

Happy Valentines day, lovers. (late.)

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